After watching the movie American Beauty produced in 1999, I was thinking that there were many interpersonal conflicts with many different people in the cast; but the main theme I think is, when did we stop talking? The movie centers with a middle age, middle class couple living in a cute suburbia house, with odd, but interesting neighbors that they really know nothing about.
There are many problems that come from a family that does not talk; especially as it grows larger, both spouses age, children are in their teens, and finances are constantly being strangled by many responsibilities. In this film, both the husband and wife have become very busy trying to keep a house together and yet they manage to sit down and have dinner nightly without speaking. The silence in the room is masked by the sound of the mother’s slow methodic music. The daughter has begun to separate herself from her father who she had a better relationship when she was younger. She is now searching to find herself as a teenager and inwardly seeks structure and discipline from her parents. The daughter’s mother has stopped talking with her because he is too busy competing with other real estate brokers selling houses. The daughter’s father is stuck in a dead end job and is not happy because of the new corporate environment trying to justify his existence so he quits after he figures a way to blackmail his way into getting a severance. Other problems arise from family not talking. The father seems to have symptoms of a midlife crises; attraction to the underage girlfriend of the daughter, new red sports car, hanging out with the neighbors son who deals drugs, and adopting a crash and burn attitude. The mother grasps onto what she knows best; materialism and the shroud of self-preservation as she tries to make a realistic, yet phony appearance that nothing is wrong with their marriage. The daughter hangs out with a superficial popular cheerleader who friends her. This new daughter’s girlfriend is the now the object of the father’s eye: at least in in his fantasies. The wife has resorted to cheating on the husband and is changing her attitude to, “I will not be a victim” (Cohen & Mendes, 1999). She later sneaks into her house and shoots her husband dead.
CAN WE FIX THIS COMMUNICATION CONFLICT?
It seems many families go through what the families in the movie the American Beauty, 1999. Some may experience more dysfunction than others but as the family grows complacent with their communication, the interpersonal conflict of not communicating becomes a major issue and the source of anxiety.
In the text, it talks about different ways to resolve conflict. “One of the most important components of conflict resolution is personal communication style. Four basic communication styles have been identified that range from submissive or non-confrontational to aggressive and forceful” (Sole, 2011, Kindle Locations 4724-4726). In many families, there tends to be an aggressor and a passive person. In this kind of situation where the family in this film has simply stopped communicating, the mother is aggressive and the father is passive, but the roles fluctuate as they each struggle to regain power. It is best to start with a low aggressive approach and work to a more aggressive approach.
An example of how this family could resolve their interpersonal conflict would be to have a family meeting a mutual time where family members could use basic assertion and explain to each other what their feelings are and what their basic daily needs are. Perhaps they have lost sight of this because everyone has their own schedule. Then using a responsive assertion, the family members could suggest compromises that lead to dissolving the all or nothing approach.
During this meeting they family should have rules that allow for feelings to be expressed without consequences and other family members will be able empathize with the feelings of each of the family members. This should be a time of fun and carefree conversation. Out text suggests, “The most common problems in relationships stem from silence or refusing to communicate, placating the other person, and playing games. These behaviors can sabotage a relationship and prevent honest, open communication” (Sole, 2011, Kindle Locations 4825-4827).
References
Cohen, B. (Producer), & Mendes, S. (Director). (1999). American beauty [Film]. Los Angeles: Dreamworks.
Sole, K. (2011). Making connections: Understanding interpersonal communication. San Diego, CA: Bridgepoint Education, Inc.
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